Think, for a split second, back to when you were a child, lost in the heat of the summer, alive and dancing, dancing and alive, all living on the edge of a moment that you never knew was coming, like a ballerina balanced on the edge of the stage, looming just over a faceless sea of spectators who knew what came next.  Think about how they never told you.  Think of all the moments you had to experience for yourself, all the pains and aches that came with them, the aching calling of something that both was and wasn’t there waiting for you.  Think about those times.  Think about how imprecise your memories are of them, like glass seen through the smoke of a fire that just won’t stop moving.  Think, if you can.  Try to place yourself back in those moments and remember just how much is missing from your memory.

Think about just how much is gone.  Think about how you will never have that back.  Think and remember that memories are like a pond someone forgot to skim, that no matter how hard you try, you can never quite see the bottom.

gone

Think back on those days long ago, those happy days, those days you could never ever forget but now that you can’t quite remember.  Think, for me, of how you felt.  Think, will you?, of all the details of those days.  I know you can’t quite remember but please try anyway.  Hard, isn’t it?  Who made you happiest?  Why?  Think about what they did to make you happy?  Then think about what you did in return?  Can you see their face?  Try and picture it if you can, their face.  Try to fill in the details, every nook and cranny of that face.  It’s not important why, just try to remember that you can.  They made you happy, you see?  And you swore you’d never forget.  But you did, you did.  Just not all the way.  You remember how you felt so why not the person?

Think back on those long ago days, those sad days, those days you felt you couldn’t go on any longer.  Think of those bitter tears, how the blood tasted when you bit your lip and cried.  Think, for me, of how it felt to be so so sad.  Think of how you thought you were trapped in a dark tunnel and the gates were barred on either side.  Think, for me, of those moments when life no longer seemed to be worth living.  Think of who helped you then.  Think of their voice.  Their words whispered into your ear so that only you could hear, so that only your heart would be lifted for but a short moment but a moment all the same.  Think, of your heart pounding in your chest so loud that it hurt your ears.  Think of the pain though it may hurt you all the same.  You are stronger now for it so why not think back on those times if only just for me?

I was there.  Oh, yes, I was there.  You may not remember it as so anymore but there I was and still am, locked away in there.  In those incomplete murky days.  I was there.  The details are not so important so much as those times we spent together.  Think, please.  Think and remember.

Think, for me, because memories are like fish in a murky pond.  If you are persistent, you’ll eventually drag one back up to the surface but you never quite know what you’ll get.  Think, for me, because memories are like fish in a murky pond.  If you wait too long, they’ll die and swim away forever.

Think, for me, because it’s all I have.