Got a doozy for you guys tonight. If you’re like me and have lived the typical life of a 18-24 year old American, you have revelled in many a night of eating way unhealthily and generally being up to absolutely no good. In other words, there were many Cheetos and Mountain Dew type nights. Well, in that case, I’ve got great/terrible news for you: In Japan, some genius marketing department has decided to combine the two into one gloriously disturbing package.
Me being the nice guy that I am, I decided to take one for the team and sample this strange exotic delicacy. The result will not surprise anyone with any rational thinking skills:
It was absolutely disgusting, plain and simple. While texturally Cheetos-y, the flavor of the corn puffs simply screamed “chemical disaster!” I’d imagine that the genesis of this latest Japanese masterpiece was that one day a janitor at the Frito-Lays plant accidentally dumped his mop water into a vat of otherwise normal Cheetos and thus forced an entire nation to endure a simply dreadful snacking experience.
On the Mount Rushmore of arbitrary Japanese ingenuity, Mountain Dew Cheetos go up next to kendamas, washlets, and robot dogs. The Mount Rushmore of arbitrary Japanese ingenuity would then promptly implode, leaving nothing but odd vaguely Mountain Dew-ey Cheetos dust in its wake.
If you encounter a cup of these things in a dark alley, I’d suggest that you run. Run as fast as your stubby legs can take you. And don’t look back.